Movie Review: Dead Snow

by Ryan

2.5/4 banana peels

Imagine being hunted down by a pack of snarling, grunting, bloody, disgusting, Nazi zombies straight from WWII. This is Dead Snow. The Norwegians (and most foreign filmmakers) are notorious for bringing a fresh view on the horror and zombie genre's, and Tommy Wirkola's film is no different. The movie follows a group of medical students into the mountains of Norway on vacation, but they soon find out they aren't alone on this trip. As night falls, the aforementioned Nazi Zombies begin their attack.

The movie opens with a woman being chased through the night woods by a pack of zombies, the pounding chords of "In the Hall of the Mountain King" driving in the background. Eventually she's cornered and torn apart. Needless to say, by this time I was pretty much hooked. I knew this had to be a good movie, but I thought wrong. The movie spends the next 45 minutes driveling through the stereotypical horror plot line. Including, terrible acting, snow mobile montage, and a hysterical woman slap. Much of the initial "terror" is sub par and yawn inspiring, but things do turn around.

The last 30 minutes of the film take on a bizarre Shaun of the Dead type feel. After the first few students meet a bloody and disfiguring end, the remaining students arm themselves with sledgehammers, scythes, chainsaws, and a snowmobile mounted heavy machine gun. In the final battle with the Nazi Zombies we get all kinds of gratuitous violence. One shot was especially stunning, it was a point-of-view shot of a woman, fading in and out of consciousness, witnessing her own disembowelment. There were at least 3 characters that saw their own intestine.

This movie is not short on beheading, disembowelment, exploding heads, amputation, fire, explosions, big guns, bad acting, paper thin plot, and medical students trained in hand to hand combat. Like many of the exploitation films we like to review here, this movie is saved by the massive amounts of spontaneous and utterly needless violence. I mean, Nazi Zombies? Cinema Gold! I like that the movie doesn't take itself too seriously and does what zombie flicks do best. Take it with a grain of salt and know what your getting yourself into; this isn't an Oscar film, not by a long shot, but it's still a lot of fun.



And beware of the subtitles!

Enjoy the movie, let us know what you think! Comment below!

OSCARS 2010

You miss the Oscars last night? Here's a rundown of the winners:

Best Motion Picture the Year:
     The Hurt Locker

Best Performance by an Actor, Leading Role:
     Jeff Bridges, Crazy Heart

Best Performance by an Actress, Leading Role:
     Sandra Bullock, The Blind Side

Best Performance by an Actor, Supporting Role:
     Christoph Waltz, Inglorious Basterds

Best Performance by an Actress, Supporting Role:
     Mo'Nique, Precious

Best Achievement in Directing:
     Katheryn Bigelow, The Hurt Locker
       (The first time a woman has won)



For more information on these movies and other awards, head on over to imdb.com. Also, be on the lookout for our Special Oscar Edition of Kosher Sessions!

Movie Review: Dolemite

Ryan: 2/4 rotten peels
Matt: 2/4 rotten peels

by Ryan


"Dolemite is his name and fuckin' up motha fuckas is his game!"

Dolemite is a 1975 blaxploitation film that follows a pimp (Dolemite, played by Rudy Ray Moore) who was framed by Willie Greene (played by D'Urville Martin) and the crooked white cops, who planted stolen furs and drugs in his trunk. BUT HE'S BACK! Queen Bee and the Warden have sprung him out of jail and Dolemite is on the hunt to make Willie Greene pay for what he did! He has a whole army of call-girl ninja's to back him up in his quest to kick ass!

This movie try's really hard, but when the cast and crew consist of jive comedians, you can't expect much. I'll give them an A for effort. This film is so bad that its awesome, in one scene you can see the sound man lying on the ground with the boom mic. The charm of this film comes from the innate flaws around every corner. Bad acting, bad directing, bad editing, awesome dialogue, awesome music. What else is there?

This film does get too bad for its own good, though. After awhile, the charm wears off and you are left with just a bad movie. What was once hilarious fades into a monotonous string of failure to deliver a line beyond the second grade reading level. I must add, in retrospect, that watching Black Dynamite (read our review here) before Dolemite might have ruined the experience. Black Dynamite is a spoof film of the 1970's blaxploitation genre, of which Dolemite is a cornerstone.

Dolemite, in the very least, is worth a watch to experience the blaxploitation genre, but don't expect much.





Like the review? Seen the movie? Have a witty comment? Write your thoughts in the box below!

Big Momma's House 3?

by Matthew Frazier

News outlets are reporting that Martin Lawrence will, once again, grace the screen as morbidly obese Big Momma. The horror that ran across my face at seeing these headlines is unparalleled.

Undercover police movies have the potential to bring in hilarious costumes that can make a movie hysterical or, in rare cases, actually make a contribution to the film (think Isabella in Rush Hour 2). However, the effect of Martin Lawrence’s “disguise” can be seen for free by watching sumo wrestling.

In the third film, Lawrence’s character Malcolm Turner / Big Momma will be joined by his 17-year-old nephew Trent (played by Brandon T. Jackson seen in Tropic Thunder and Percy Jackson) as they go undercover at an all-girls performance institute.

Presumably, his location will lead to awkward encounters with barely clothed females.

The first and second movies of the series have made considerable profit, but the question remaining is: who actually finds these films funny? Personally, the only thing I see viewers walking away from the film with is a better understanding of an overweight woman’s anatomy. Some things that are seen just cannot be unseen.

Filming begins in April, let me know people: Will you be watching Big Momma’s House 3?

The Crazies

 Ryan: 1/4 banana peels
Matt: .5/4 banana peels

by Ryan


The Crazies is a remake of George A. Romero's 1973 grindhouse classic of the same name. The movie follows a small town in Iowa as it descends into madness after a toxin is introduced into the water supply. The town Sheriff, played by Timothy Olyphant, and his wife and town doctor, played by Radha Mitchell, are the lone survivors trying to make it out alive amidst the zombie madness and government cover up.

Given that this film is of the zombie genre, one should take a slightly lower standard going into the theater. However, this movie joins the likes of The Happening at the bottom of a barrel of rotten human zombie flesh. I'm not sure I should even go any further with this review, I feel I should just leave you with knowing how terrible it is. If you would like to read on go ahead, otherwise, know this film is bad and leave it at that.

I'll try to keep this short. The dialogue was beyond campy and cheesy, it was crap. The story was worn and used, lacking any innovation or thrills. The characters walked epically down the highway with awkward spacing. The acting was, in the immortal words of Charles Barkley, turuble. The pacing was unbelievably disjoint and hard to keep with. The whole film wreaked of a bad M. Night Shyamalan flick. Honestly, it seemed as though first time director Breck Eisner watched a marathon of Shyamalan (not including the Sixth Sense) before he set out to make this film. Should I go any further?

The only positive I could really offer here is that one day, 30 years from now, movie connoisseurs will seek out films like this, much like the ones who now seek out the Grindhouse movies of the 70's. Although, there is something oddly charming about those films and they get better with age. The Crazies is just bad and I'm not sure there's any amount of time that could cure this film.

I'll leave you with the final words of the film:
Sheriff:  "Ouch"
Wife:  "Sorry honey"

Looking for a good film to see this weekend? Don't go see The Crazies, hopefully we wasted $10 so you don't have to. If you're one of the unfortunate souls who lost 10 of their hard earned dollars, drop us a comment and let us know what you thought.

Ong-Bak 2: The Beginning

by Travis

3/4 peels

As I said before, I'll say again...Tony Jaa scares the living shit out of me. Watch this clip below and try to disagree with me:

ONGBAK 2 fight clip


Okay so this movie looks pretty good though some of the camera angles seemed a bit amateur. Many of the scenes reminded me of a Japanese video game like Final Fantasy as in if I had a controller in my hands, it would feel like I'd be able to control Tony Jaa in his quest to kick ass, jump around places, save the world, etc.

Like the other movies starring this AMAZING martial artist, this one could be called "Tony Jaa: Demo Reel 3". The story is lame and it's absolutely unbearable especially if you leave it on the English dubbed audio. (It's actually HILARIOUSLY terrible and cheesy, especially Chernang's voice). The scenes usually spend entirely too much time in setting up the location or event. The pacing is really terrible and the ending sucks....BUT...

The reason for giving this movie the points I did (in order) were:
1. The fight scenes. They are brutal and great fun to watch (like The Protector and Ong Bak: The Thai Warrior). You will never have felt like you were watching one of the greatest film martial artists of all time until you watch a few Bruce Lee movies or a Tony Jaa movie like this one.
2. Tony Jaa can cry! Tony has actually been working on his acting game for this one.
3. The color and contrast. The film looks pretty great... (pretty sure it had the biggest budget out of all the Tony Jaa movies).

Plot: So, it's about Master Tien (Tony Jaa) and how he ends up in some village as a kid where he learns how to kick ass. Basically, someone kills his pops and so when he grows up, he's gotta seek that revenge and bring back honor to his village and father and all that bullish. Nothing terribly new or exciting, with virtually no subplots.

So basically what you get is a good looking movie with Tony Jaa again doing what he does best: whoop some ass. He actually dialed back a bit on the Muay Thai, which was kinda nice. He doesn't do that bad in the acting department either... but while this is his best performance in a movie yet, this is also my least favorite film starring him, by far. Check out (if you have not already) "The Protector" and then "Ong-Bak: The Thai Warrior".

Kosher Sessions: Episode 2

This episode features The Kosher Kid, Ryan Schmidt, and Neil Leff-Wilson. We offer our unique views on BLACK DYNAMITE, the remake of The Karate Kid and Zoolander 2. Also, Neil has a bit of knowledge to share with the world and our listeners. Check out the new episode below!